Well- I am feeling much more positive today than I did in my last post. Good thing. Who wants to feel like that.I have decided that I'm ok w/ a forever long wait. I cannot change things, so I'll go along w/ them. I have a lot of things I can do in the meantime.Tomorrow we leave on vacation. I am so looking forward to it. We will only be gone a couple of days, but it's so refreshing to get away. We are going to Kentucky, and Tennessee. Plan on spending sometime in Nashville, and going to Mammoth Cave. That scares me a little! But- Andy wants to relive some of his childhood memories, Ivy will like it. I have this weird claustrophobic thing sometimes but I'm hoping it won't be that bad. We'll do whatever else seems exciting at the time! The weather should be in the low 70s- so much warmer than here. Though I can't wait for summer. I love having Ivy off school for spring break,can't wait for summer. What am I going to do when she is in school all day next year?!?! I'll post when we get back! Everyone enjoy the week!

I'm so depressed! It looks like referrals are coming out next week and they only cover like 5 days of LID'S. It is really sad for all the people who were expecting to of already been home w/ there children by now, and they still have not gotten referral!How frustrating! I'm depressed because it makes the wait longer and longer. Then there are all these rumors floating around about China stopping international adoptions. These are just rumors, but they definitely get the best of you. I cannot even bear the thought of this not happening. After all we have been thro this has got to happen. I'm so emotionally invested, as I have been in so many other past attempts to have another child. Sometimes the world seems so unfair. Ya- I'm throwing myself a little pity party! It's allowed sometimes right? The fact of the matter is, nothing is guaranteed. China can stop International adoptions if they wanted to! I don't really think this going to happen.But the rumors scare me. I really can't stand this emotional roller coaster. I can't wait to go on vacation next week. It will get me away from the computer for a little while, so I don't know what's going on in rumor land! No matter what we have a long road ahead of us still! Enough of the downer post.

I received my secret pal gift today! For those of you wondering what the heck that is, I will tell you. We have a DTC group and each month we are sending secret gifts to eachother. It's a lot of fun. Buying and receiving! It's supposed to make the time go faster. I'm not so sure about that. But- it is fun! Today I received a book. 123 counting book. I loved it, and it has little flaps to flip up, so I'm sure our little girl will love it too! Thanks secret pal- it was perfect!

It's late, I should go to bed, but I'm on an adoption high! Nothing new to report, just feel like talking about it. I have been on the adoption forums, and realized I have not posted here in little while. I'm starting to get excited about working on the babies room. I just have to buy the bedding, so I know exactly what colors I will be working with. I know it will be ladybugs, bumblebees, and dragonfly. I want it to be bright. There are a couple of different bedding choices on E-bay, that I can't decide between!HMMMM- what will I ever come up with. I'm really bad at making decisions sometimes. I wish I could see them in real life. But- I have not been able to find anything even close to what I'm looking for in the stores. Babies R Us really doesn't have it all. We might have a name. Though I'm not going to share right now, we are still not committed to it, and it may change. Andy has been shocking me a little lately. He's actually beginning to seem a little excited. He has wanted to do this, it was his idea initially, but he did not seem to into it. At least not like I have been! Lately he has been talking about it more, and I can tell he's definitely ready. To bad it we have to wait forever- to meet our little girl. I picked up some Mandarin Chinese language tapes (they don't come in DVD) at the library today. What do you all think? Think I can learn to speak Chinese? Honestly, I'm a little doubtful. But they are definitely worth listening to.(if I can find a tape player) When we were shopping yesterday Ivy bought a cute little hat for _______. Every time we are out now she wants to buy something for baby sister. It's really cute! Oh ya, we had Chinese for lunch today too. When it gets nice out I want to go to China town. I'm sure Ivy and I could find some stuff to buy there. It's been neat to watch Ivy get excited lately too. At first she said very little. I don't think she really believed us. After what we have all gone thru I don't blame her. For I feel that way a lot too. Well- enough stuff about nothing. This post is really all over the place.

This adoption is always on my mind. I guess it's the same as when your pregnant w/ your first one. You read, and read, and talk about it all the time! Speaking of pregnant, I have had so many friends having babies recently. Welcome to the world- Hunter, Marissa, and Mason! There are more who are pregnant too! Think we may be having a baby boom(at least in my little world) This past year has been busy. We also welcomed Ella,Emma, and Kloe w/ in the last year. I wonder if my little girl has been born yet? My guess is pretty soon. We requested 6-12 months. That is how old she should be at referral referrals currently running about 10 months, we would hopefully receive ours inDec. Or Jan. Maybe when we get closer we will have a contest guessing birthdate! I've heard of other people doing it and it sounds like fun! I got an e- mail from our agency today saying they received confirmation that our dossier got to where it was going!

Today there was an article in the "Washington Post" in regards to China, and baby trafficking. I read it, thought that it was very sad, and then on w/ my day for awhile. I could not get it out of my mind. It was a very one sided article, and had a lot of things in it to make the entire Chinese adoption program seem like complete fraud. So anyone who does not no better has no idea, and believes everything they read in regards to this. I believe that there probably is some baby trafficking, not nearly as much as implied!China has got so many strict laws on this stuff, I really don't see how it is possible. If you want to read it, I will try and post the link at the bottom of this post. MMMMMM it irritates me. Jake- question for you, Why is it that newspaper articles don't need to site sources? Is it a free speech thing, or is it just assumed to be a persons opinion? For those of you who wanted to really know some about Chinese adoption I strongly recommend "National Geographic Chinas Lost Girls" Hosted by Lisa Ling on DVD. It is so good. I got it from the library and watched it probably 15 times in 3 days! I should probably purchase it. Speaking of purchase- I have bought a few things for our little girl finally! Books! I'm so scared of buying things, but books don't scare me for some reason. I guess I figure Ivy can always read them ! I really want to buy the crib bedding soon too. I'm going to do the nursery in ladybugs! Got a lot of good ideas. My wonderful aunt is going to help me. Better go watch my shows. Happy Birthday Dad!

WE ARE DTC!!! Today I got an e-mail from our agency that our dossier was sent to China on mon. (3/6/06). I am so excited! Why did they have to wait 3 days to tell me? Oh well- at least it's there. I guess I'm officially paper pregnant. Funny- no morning sickness, or weird food cravings yet. I'm sure that will come soon!I have been wanting to buy something for this baby, but been to scared. I guess 2 years of fertility treatments, and a failed adoption will do that to you. I guess it's time now. I'm excited to shop, and do the nursery, and she needs a name! My husband won't cooperate w/ me on that one! If it was only up to me we would have one. So- what should I do first? I think I will celebrate being pregnant. Unlike most pregnancies I can do that w/ a glass of wine. Big advantage huh? Keep your fingers crossed that wait times shorten. Either way it's really going to happen! Can you believe it? I'm not sure I do. But it really is going to happen! Happy Birthday sister!!

Well- I have been putting off posting because I was really hoping to get an e-mail from my agency saying we are DTC, no such luck! Maybe today. This process really tests your patience. I used to consider myself patient, not any more. This is terrible~ I spend a good amount of time on China adoption forums and message boards. They are depressing me lately too. This wait to referral time! It's getting the best of everyone. When we started 51/2 to 6 months! Piece of cake. That's an easy wait. 9-12 months well- that's not. But-we can not control the process, there is nothing to do to shorten it, so we live! This may sound a little spiritual for me but- I keep thinking it's because the child that is meant to be ours is not born yet- not ready to be here, that is why we have to wait so long. We are just a little piece in a very large puzzle. Speaking of spiritual,this adoption also tends to do that to you, because you are always looking for reason. Really- most of us when we are 12 years old we imagine getting married, having 4 kids, a dog, a white picket fence! Where does adopting a baby girl from China fall into that! It doesn't, it doesn't cross your mind. I was brought to adopting from China from something bigger, though I can't explain what. Ya- I can give you the details of all that happened to lead us to adoption- but not China. That was bigger and more! I guess just meant to be! Hopefully next post will start w/ DTC!

Hurry up and wait!

Today I decided to start a blog seems like a very common thing to do when adopting. It makes a lot of sense, considering the long wait. I would not have anything to do otherwise. Just kidding! But it gives something to do related to the adoption. We are adopting fromChina! I am so excited about it, I really cannot help but talk about it all the time. We have such a long ways to go, and I think some people may already be tired of hearing about it. BUT- they would never admit it, they love me too much to do that! We started this process in September of 2005, we sent our application to CCAI. We were approved quickly thereafter. Then they sent us our dossier guide. Oh my! Did that look like a lot of work. I was really overwhelmed at first.CCAI said it should take about 3-5 months to complete and it took us 5! Our dossier is now at CCAI in translation. We received an e-mail this past Tues.( 2/28/06) that it passed critical review, would spend a week or less in translation, then be sent to China. Oh- I feel everything takes so long. When it is sent to China that will be our DTC date. (dossier to China) Hoping to get that date real soon.We will use this blog to keep everyone updated on everything . Even when we go to China we be able to post pictures and messages. One of the best parts everyone can leave us messages too! We have a long time until referral- until then I will tell everyone about the process, progress made on the nursery, you can listen to me whine about the wait, and anything else I feel like talking about.