It's been a long time.........................

and so much has happened. I really didn't want it on the internet. But- now that it's done and over with I'll give the brief story. That many of you already know.
We found ourselves with the oppertunity for a domestic adoption. To make a long story short, it felt right. There were all these signs, strange coincidences, and a lot of other things that really made it feel like the "right" thing to do. So- we pursued it. I got to know the potential birth mom quite well. I felt we had a good relationship. She went into the hospital to give birth and I never heard another word. I guess I was wrong. It really wasn't right. Once again, I was wrong. I feel bad about it for so many reasons. But---
I guess it was meant to be. I'm trying really hard to believe that everything happens for a reason. But- as you all kow this path has been sooooo long, and soooo hard, I'm losing a lot of faith. I sometimes feel it would be much easier to quit, and be happy with what I have, and enjoy the life I have been given. Honestly, I know it would make my husband happy. But- I can't do it. I don't quit. I really believe that if I quit I will regret it. I don't want any regrets. Learning experiences ya, but no regrets.
Not just speaking baby now- There are times where I feel I need to run away and start all over. Though I'm not going to. I think I have so much more potential than I get to use. My life seems small, and unfullfilled. I'm not sure where to turn to get that fullfillment. But- I'm not stopping until I do. I just may take many breaks along the way. People close to me think I'm kind of crazy. I always have a new plan for something whether it's a business idea, or school, or whatever!! I think they are steps I need to take to find where I belong. I'm not going to stop and be happy with status quo. I'll end up where I belong, no matter how many times I fall.

On a different note; China is still in the plan. We have been waiting just about 24 months!!! Can you believe it's been that long? Ivy will be nine by the time we go.
Ivy is doing well. I'm so lucky to have that beautiful girl as my daughter.
I'm an aunt now too. My niece was born on Feb. 12. She is a doll. Madalynn Mckenzie, I can't get enough of her.