A new blog

I started another blog- more related to life in general instead of just adoption. Though adoption will be a big subject still. I think I'll post a lot more since it's not tied to one particular thing. Feel free to stop by
www.stepbystepblogbyblog.blogspot.com

Happy St. Patricks Day!!

Are you feeling green? I am, I let the Irish in me come out.
Time is flying these days. I can't believe Easter is Sunday. I still have to do some bunny shopping.
Last Fri. the brownies took a trip to the nature museum downtown. It was a sleepover. It was actually very cool. The girls had a great time. I really enjoy being a mom. Ivy stuff, is my favorite stuff to do. Next week is spring break, we'll do a few things. Not sure what though.
Did i tell all of you that I'm an aunt now? I don't remember. but- I'm so in love w/ that baby girl! She is going to be so spoiled.

How much longer?

Referals came out last week through Jan.04, of 2006. How much longer do you think we have to wait. I'm going for a Nov. or Dec. referal. Lets hope I'm right. Really that doesn't seem to far away.
It was brought to my attention that I sound quite depressed in my latest blog posts. I want everyone to know that I'm not. I'm actually doing quite well. I guess I'm a good writer! I'm very honest with myself, and my feelings, and everyone else for that matter. So, when I write something, it allows me to let it go. These are my honest feelings that I post, and it works well for me, I have nothing to hide, and I think people appreciate knowing they are not alone in how they feel, if they have been in a similar circumstance. With me, you get it all!
One more thing--- Where is spring? I am ready!!!!!!!!

Welcome 2006!!!!!!

Referals have made it thru Jan. 4, 2006. Not a great number, but hey we are in 2006!!!! I see a little glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. I know the wait will be worth it. I have had a lot of distractions to make it thru this past year. I had the forever long trial, and the adoption that didn't happen. Maybe the reason for all that was to make this wait seem shorter. actually I took a lot more from those experiences than that. Speaking of the trial, Conrad was supposed to go to jail yesterday. I'll have to see if I can find an article or something to see if he actually did.
Not a whole lot going on around here. I drove into the garage door last week. Cut myslef while doing hair, got a few stitches. Just enough to keep things exciting!

It's been a long time.........................

and so much has happened. I really didn't want it on the internet. But- now that it's done and over with I'll give the brief story. That many of you already know.
We found ourselves with the oppertunity for a domestic adoption. To make a long story short, it felt right. There were all these signs, strange coincidences, and a lot of other things that really made it feel like the "right" thing to do. So- we pursued it. I got to know the potential birth mom quite well. I felt we had a good relationship. She went into the hospital to give birth and I never heard another word. I guess I was wrong. It really wasn't right. Once again, I was wrong. I feel bad about it for so many reasons. But---
I guess it was meant to be. I'm trying really hard to believe that everything happens for a reason. But- as you all kow this path has been sooooo long, and soooo hard, I'm losing a lot of faith. I sometimes feel it would be much easier to quit, and be happy with what I have, and enjoy the life I have been given. Honestly, I know it would make my husband happy. But- I can't do it. I don't quit. I really believe that if I quit I will regret it. I don't want any regrets. Learning experiences ya, but no regrets.
Not just speaking baby now- There are times where I feel I need to run away and start all over. Though I'm not going to. I think I have so much more potential than I get to use. My life seems small, and unfullfilled. I'm not sure where to turn to get that fullfillment. But- I'm not stopping until I do. I just may take many breaks along the way. People close to me think I'm kind of crazy. I always have a new plan for something whether it's a business idea, or school, or whatever!! I think they are steps I need to take to find where I belong. I'm not going to stop and be happy with status quo. I'll end up where I belong, no matter how many times I fall.

On a different note; China is still in the plan. We have been waiting just about 24 months!!! Can you believe it's been that long? Ivy will be nine by the time we go.
Ivy is doing well. I'm so lucky to have that beautiful girl as my daughter.
I'm an aunt now too. My niece was born on Feb. 12. She is a doll. Madalynn Mckenzie, I can't get enough of her.

A tough time

I'm not sure why, but things have been difficult lately. Just seem to end up in a blah mood, and stay that way.Nothing bad has happened(thank god)
Do you ever just feel disconnected from the world?
Thats kind of the way I've been feeling. Sorta like I don't belong anywhere.
Oh well- this to shall pass.

Happy Halloween!!

It's been awhile. I've got lots to say, but a public blog isn't the place to say it. So- I've been quiet.
Things in China are the same, no changes, no speed ups, just plain SLOW!!!!!
My tv program aired it was alright. A small spin on a few things. But not to bad.
Ivy dressed as a cupcake today. She makes an awfully cute cupcake! We had a Halloween party on Sat. I'll try to get some pictures up here by the end of this week. We had a good time, especially Andy.
I can't believe that tomorrow is Nov. Maybe we will see referals soon.Though rumors aren't pointing at anything exciting.